When a parent in Japan has a concern about something happening at school, the usual approach is not to begin with a complaint, but to start by speaking with the homeroom teacher. A small concern may be written in the communication notebook, something harder to explain in writing may be discussed by phone, and a more complicated issue may be better handled in a meeting.
For example, if a child simply says that something at school has been bothering them lately, it is quite natural for a parent to write something like, “This is what my child has been telling us at home. Could you let us know how things look at school?” In Japanese schools, the homeroom teacher often serves as the main point of contact between the school and the family. A parent will usually start by explaining the concern to that teacher and asking what they have observed. Going directly to the principal or the local board of education over a minor concern can make the matter seem much bigger from the outset.
It is also natural to say, “This is what my child has told me, but how does the situation look from the school’s perspective?” That does not mean the parent is doubting the child. Teachers may see things in the classroom that are not visible at home, so hearing both sides can help clarify what is actually happening.
If the issue becomes more serious, there is no need to squeeze everything into the communication notebook. A parent can explain the main point by phone and ask to arrange a time to talk in person. On the other hand, if the problem involves ongoing bullying, an injury, or a child becoming afraid to go to school, there is no reason to wait simply for the sake of following the usual steps. The school should be contacted directly and promptly.
Parents naturally want to do everything they can for their own child. If necessary, they may want to ask the school to take action to improve the situation. At the same time, their child is not the only person in the classroom. There are other children, other parents, and teachers as well, and the school has to consider all of them.
Putting your own child first is not the same as ignoring everyone else and insisting that the school simply do whatever you demand. There is no need to stay silent out of politeness, and there is also no need to treat the school as an enemy from the beginning. A parent should clearly say what needs to be said to protect their child, while also keeping in mind the other children, their parents, and the teachers involved. That balance matters when dealing with a Japanese school.
