In everyday Japanese, speakers often choose between casual and polite forms. Someone might ask a friend, Doko kara kita no?—“Where are you from?”—but ask a stranger, Dochira kara kita n desu ka? The basic question is the same, but the second version uses polite language. Casual speech is commonly called tameguchi.
When Japanese adults meet for the first time, they will often begin with desu and masu forms even if they appear to be the same age or the stranger seems younger. This does not necessarily mean that one person is being treated as higher-ranking. Polite speech also keeps a comfortable distance until the relationship becomes clearer.
Polite speech does not always mean elaborate honorific language. Japanese distinguishes between several types of keigo. Sonkeigo, or respectful language, shows respect toward the person whose actions are being described. For example, ossharu is a respectful form of “to say.” Teineigo, or polite language, uses forms such as desu and masu to make the conversation polite for the listener. That is why it can be used with people who are not socially superior.
Some people enjoy the friendliness of a stranger who immediately uses casual speech. Others may wonder why someone they have just met is talking as though they were already close. Depending on the tone and manner, unexpected tameguchi can feel overly familiar. It can also suggest that the speaker is looking down on the listener or treating them carelessly.
Appearances do not always reveal someone’s age, occupation, or position. At work or in a local community, it may also be unclear who knows whom. Starting politely reduces the chance of causing unnecessary offense and gives both people a comfortable way to begin talking.
As people become closer, casual forms may gradually enter the conversation. Sometimes one person suggests, “Shall we stop using keigo?” In other relationships, no clear change ever happens. Two people may know each other for years and still use desu and masu, especially if they first met through work.
There are exceptions. Some people naturally speak casually, and regional habits or the atmosphere of a social gathering can make tameguchi feel perfectly friendly. Casual speech is not automatically rude. However, when someone is unsure which form to use, polite speech is usually the safer place to start. The language can become more relaxed once the appropriate distance is clear.
Japanese polite speech is not used only to place another person above the speaker. It also allows people who do not yet know each other to begin a conversation without becoming too familiar too quickly. In Japan, the usual order is to begin politely and become more casual later—not the other way around.
