In Japanese, the words you use for your own family can change depending on whether you are at home or talking to someone outside your family.
At home, you might call your father otōsan (お父さん). But when speaking about him at work, at a government office, or in another more formal setting, you would usually say chichi (父), meaning “my father.” The same pattern applies to other family members: okāsan (お母さん) becomes haha (母), onīsan (お兄さん) becomes ani (兄), and onēsan (お姉さん) becomes ane (姉).
For example, someone who normally says, “Mom, look at this,” at home might say, “My mother is coming here next week,” using haha when speaking at work.
When talking about the family of the person you are speaking to, however, Japanese speakers usually use forms such as otōsan, okāsan, onīsan, and onēsan. In more formal situations, even more respectful forms such as otōsama (お父様) and okāsama (お母様) may be used.
This difference is connected to the Japanese idea of uchi and soto—roughly, “inside” and “outside.” When speaking to someone outside your family or in-group, your own family is treated as belonging to the same “inside” group as you. That is why you refer to your own father as chichi and your own mother as haha, while using more respectful forms for the other person’s family.
English also has several words for a father, such as father, dad, daddy, and papa, and these can change depending on closeness or situation. Japanese has that kind of variation too, but there is another factor: whose family you are talking about can also change the word you choose.
For example, if a business contact asks, “Is your father well?” using the respectful otōsama, answering, “Yes, my father is well,” with chichi sounds completely natural. Using chichi does not mean that you feel less affection or respect for your father. The word used to address him at home and the word used to describe him to someone outside the family simply serve different purposes.
People do not follow this distinction rigidly in every casual conversation. An adult talking with a close friend might still say something like uchi no okāsan ga sa…—“You know, my mom…” But in a formal setting, referring to your own parents as otōsan or okāsan can sound immature or simply out of place. Using papa or mama in the same setting can sound even more out of place.
So Japanese family terms are not simply a matter of memorizing “father = chichi.” The word can change depending on whether you are addressing the family member directly, talking about your own family to someone outside the family, or talking about the other person’s family. Understanding who is being talked about—and to whom—is one of the keys to understanding Japanese kinship terms.
References
Agency for Cultural Affairs, “Keigo Omoshiro Sōdanshitsu, Episode 7: Different Honorifics for Different Situations — Uchi and Soto”
Agency for Cultural Affairs, “Keigo Omoshiro Sōdanshitsu, Episode 4: Common Honorific Mistakes (1)”
Agency for Cultural Affairs, “Guidelines for Honorific Language”
